Many of us, including moms have an automatic assumption that all moms will bond with their babies right away after birth, right?
The reality is that it’s not the experience EVERY mom necessary has at first sight.
Falling in love happens differently for every mom depending on her internal and external circumstances, personality, as well as the baby’s temperament.
Moms who struggle with postpartum challenges, are more vulnerable to experience delay in falling in-love with their babies.
What is the connection?
Moms with postpartum anxiety and depression feel overwhelmed with a HUGE sense of sadness and grief. They feel lost and defeated with their new reality and often, can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Feeling like on a crazy roller coaster or in a deep hole, it’s not necessarily the right state of mind to fall in love with anyone, even not your own precious baby.
Every mom has her own personal experience of entering motherhood. It can be filled with mixed emotions and unique circumstances.
Things don’t always happen the way we expect or hope for.
Expectations to feel some crazy love for our newborn can drive anyone to feel like a horrible mother being immersed in negative self-judgments. Being a mom can feel intimidating and un gratifying sometimes unlike what was expected to feel like.
Personal insecurities and not feeling ready for the new reality, can shake the mom’s confidence in her ability to form a secure bond with her baby. Anxieties about the baby can make it difficult to relax and go through the motions.
Depression is so dark and encompassing, it’s hard to feel JOY and HOPE about anything. Emotional numbness can set in due to fatigue, overwhelming stress and emotional pain.
It is so difficult to talk about these feelings too, without feeling shame, embarrassment, and fear to be judged by others.
Now, how can a suffering mother expect to fall in love with her baby when she’s feeling all of that on the inside!
If you are a mother in crisis, I know you might lose faith in yourself and in the possibility of getting better. You must know and believe that you have the capacity to bond with your baby, even if you still don’t feel it right now.
The truth of the matter is that you can’t rush love and you can’t force it. You have to develop and nurture it and it will grow and blossom, guaranteed!
Surfing on the internet I came across this wise distinction between being interested and being committed; ENJOY
Seven key differences between being interested and being committed
1.) If you are interested, you show up sometimes. If you are committed, you show up all the time.
2.) If you are interested, when things get tough, you give up and move on to your next “interest”. If you are committed, no matter how tough things get, you find a way over, under, around or through obstacles.
3.) If you are interested, you dabble in a bunch of interests. If you are committed, you concentrate your energy on achieving a much shorter list of objectives. In short, you focus.
4.) If you are interested, you are easily distracted and often fall victim to shiny object syndrome. If you are committed, you are so focused that you often don’t even notice the irrelevant shiny objects around you.
5.) If you are interested, you don’t set goals; rather, you just let it happen. If you are committed, you set goals in a way that maximizes the probability you will achieve them, and you regularly monitor your progress.
6.) If you are interested, you let the fear of failure and other fears keep you from achieving your objectives. If you are committed, you realize that every “failure” is just another step in the direction of achieving your goals.
7.) If you are interested, you allow perfectionism to inhibit your progress, working hand-in-hand with fear of failure to limit your success. If you are committed, you understand that perfectionism is the enemy and you continue to make forward progress, even if each step is not perfect.
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Does relationship improve your physical health? During the last two decades research clearly shows that people who live together in a long-term relationship, are physically healthier and their life span is longer. Research also shows that relationships affect positively the joy level of the partners, their self esteem and career success.
Having the expectation of becoming the” ideal mother” to your “perfect baby” can spell trouble and put any mother at risk for postpartum depression.
Published – 8-30-2013
People who jog, tend to focus on training their muscles and improving their heart fitness.
This is all good yet, there is another aspect to running that tends to be overlooked – Breathing. The way we breathe and the condition and fitness of our respiratory muscles, especially the diaphragm makes a big difference!
Published – 7-20-2013
Did you know that hugging, embracing and cuddling are a great way to increase overall well being?
Researches found that cuddling or even a brief hug has a very positive affect on our stress levels and it also helps to increase our ability to connect with others, loved ones or even strangers. Experts who research the biology of hugging trace it to the hormone called Oxytocin also known as the love hormone. Continue reading
Published – 2-20-2013
Reduced Stress in healing Asthma
Many people don’t know that stress, both personal and work related can be a major trigger for asthma. Financial worries, strained family relationships, loss and grief, anger, panic, upset, yelling and crying can easily trigger an asthma attack.
Just as air pollution, pets and allergies can cause an asthma flare so does uncontrolled stress.
By Dr. Uri Kenig, Ph.D.
It’s a day after the election and no matter what the results are, we are all breathing with a sigh of relief that it’s all over. Speaking about breathing, did you know that when you hold your breath for too long, your body becomes hungry for air, sending a message to the lungs to inhale larger amounts of air to compensate for the air deprivation? When we find ourselves constantly holding our breath for too long, many times a day for long periods of time, we might be under a lot of stress. The lungs will try to bring in as much air as it can via inhalation mainly from the mouth causing the lungs to have a difficult time processing all of the air. The more air you inhale, the less your body is receiving, starting a new habit of OVER BREATHING. Before too long, this new habit becomes a feeding ground for the formation of all kinds of breathing difficulties, stemming from the oxygen not reaching the entire body.
Apart from the embarrassment of being caught by your friends while watching a movie with your mouth wide open, mouth breathing is bad for your health. Continue reading
Breathing and eating
The main cause of feeling short of breath after eating is most commonly overeating. When we have excessive Intake of food, the stomach becomes bloated and presses against the diaphragm. In order to breath normally, the diaphragm needs to expand, but when the stomach is bloated the expansion cannot take place properly. Continue reading