Babies are a bundle of joy, why am I not in love with mine?

Many of us, including moms have an automatic assumption that all moms will bond with their babies right away after birth, right? The reality is that it’s not the experience EVERY mom necessary has at first sight. Falling in love happens differently for every mom depending on her internal and external circumstances, personality, as well as the baby’s temperament. Moms who struggle with postpartum challenges, are more vulnerable to experience delay in falling in-love with their babies. What is the connection? Moms with postpartum anxiety and depression feel overwhelmed with a HUGE sense of sadness and grief.

They feel lost and defeated with their new reality and often, can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Feeling like on a crazy roller coaster or in a deep hole, it’s not necessarily the right state of mind to fall in love with anyone, even not your own precious baby. Every mom has her own personal experience of entering motherhood. It can be filled with mixed emotions and unique circumstances. Things don’t always happen the way we expect or hope for.

Expectations to feel some crazy love for our newborn can drive anyone to feel like a horrible mother being immersed in negative self-judgments. Being a mom can feel intimidating and un gratifying sometimes unlike what was expected to feel like. Personal insecurities and not feeling ready for the new reality, can shake the mom’s confidence in her ability to form a secure bond with her baby. Anxieties about the baby can make it difficult to relax and go through the motions. Depression is so dark and encompassing, it’s hard to feel JOY and HOPE about anything.

Emotional numbness can set in due to fatigue, overwhelming stress and emotional pain. It is so difficult to talk about these feelings too, without feeling shame, embarrassment, and fear to be judged by others. Now, how can a suffering mother expect to fall in love with her baby when she’s feeling all of that on the inside! If you are a mother in crisis, I know you might lose faith in yourself and in the possibility of getting better. You must know and believe that you have the capacity to bond with your baby, even if you still don’t feel it right now. The truth of the matter is that you can’t rush love and you can’t force it. You have to develop and nurture it and it will grow and blossom, guaranteed!